a one-page tool
Quality Questions
we ask quick questions because they feel efficient. less time, less energy, get an answer, move on.
the cost never shows up in that meeting. it turns up weeks later, as the thing nobody said, the decision nobody understood, two people working from different versions of the same brief.
and it runs both ways. people don't raise what they're actually thinking, because somewhere along the line they decided it wasn't worth it. and leaders don't build the kind of room where anyone would.
most questions at work ask someone to justify. the better version asks them to describe. a justification gets you a defence, well constructed and not true. a description gets you something you didn't already know.
↓
To someone who reports to you
why didn't this get done?what got in the way?
how's it going?what's taking up the most space in your head this week?
any updates?what's moved since we last spoke, and what hasn't?
any questions?what's the part of this you're least clear on?
is everything on track?what's the first thing to slip if something goes wrong?
here's how I'd do it.what would you do if this were entirely yours?
Performance has dropped
- here are the three things I've noticed. I don't know what they mean. what's going on?
- what's changed since the spring, when this was working?
- what would need to be true for this to feel manageable again?
They've gone quiet
- what's been happening in those meetings for you?
- when did you last say something in there you were glad you said?
- what have you decided isn't worth raising?
Something went wrong
- walk me through what you were working with at the time.
- what did you know then that I didn't?
- where did it first start to feel wrong?
They're pushing back on a decision
- what do you see that I'm not seeing?
- what would have to change for you to be behind this?
- what's the risk you're most worried about?
They're overloaded
- if you could drop one thing this week, what would it be?
- what are you doing that nobody has actually asked you for?
- what's the thing you keep starting and not finishing?
Week one
- what did you believe about this job before you started that's already turned out to be wrong?
- how do you like to receive information: in writing, out loud, with time to think first?
- what would make the first month feel like it went well for you?
↑
To your own manager
going up, the thing you do instead usually isn't a worse question. it's silence.
You don't know what good looks like
usually: nod, leave, guess.
- is there a version of this done well that I could look at?
- if you'd written this yourself, what would be different?
- what was the bit that was closest, and the bit that was furthest?
You don't know where you stand
usually: wait for the review and hope.
- what's one thing you'd want me to get better at?
- what would you need to see from me over the next three months?
- if I keep going exactly as I am, where does that leave me in a year?
You don't understand a decision
usually: assume the worst, tell a colleague.
- can I ask what the thinking was? I want to be able to explain it properly.
- what did you weigh up that I wouldn't have seen?
You disagree and haven't said so
usually: say it sideways, to people who can't act on it.
- I've got a view on this I haven't put forward. when would be a good time?
You're overloaded
usually: "I'm drowning", or say nothing and miss something.
- I've got three priorities and capacity for two. which would you drop?
- if this and that both slip, which one hurts more?
You want to be more useful
usually: wait to be asked.
- where could I be more useful than I currently am?
- is there anything I'm doing that's creating work for you?
You're not getting feedback
usually: assume no news is good news.
- one thing from the last month you'd want more of, and one less?
You haven't understood, and feel you should have
usually: nod, google it after.
- I want to check I've got this. can I say it back to you?
- what's something people here learn in year two that I could learn now?
almost nobody asks the upward ones, and they're the ones that would change the most.
not because they're hard. because of a belief about what you're allowed to ask.
when you catch yourself in a loop
reframe & respond
five steps, and the order is the whole thing.
you can't run a reset you never notice you need, and nobody thinks "I appear to be in a negative thought loop."
so catch the behaviour, not the feeling. the feeling you'll rationalise. the behaviour is harder to argue with.
You're in one if
- you've rehearsed the same conversation three times.
- you've drafted a message you keep not sending.
- you've told three different people the same story, and it's got slightly better each time.
- you've reread the same email looking for something.
- or you're arguing with somebody who isn't in the room.
reframe
1
Catch
you're arguing with someone who isn't in the room.
2
Calm
breathe horizontally, inwards, so the stomach moves. four of those.
everyone says take a deep breath and everyone's shoulders go up. that's air going the wrong way. your airways don't run upward, they run back. breathe into the belly, not the chest.
3
Climb
step out and watch yourself in it, from above.
it's always easier to solve someone else's problem than your own. from up there, it is someone else's. you can see the options and you can see what you were actually trying to get to.
respond
4
Cause
what's under my control that moves me toward the result I want?
not what went wrong, not whose fault. and ask it from up there, while you're still the third person.
5
Commit
write down two or three things you can do right now.
write them, don't think them. a thought doesn't get done. and tangible means someone could watch you do it: "put the phone down" and "open the document" are steps. "focus better" isn't.
run it enough times and it stops being a technique.
moving back to cause stops taking an afternoon and starts taking about ninety seconds.
quarterly, and in week one
Alignment Audit
a coach can tell you who's carrying an injury, who's out of form, and who had a bad week at home. you can't pick a team without it.
ask most managers the same about their five direct reports and what comes back is a performance rating.
sections 1 to 4 are shared with the team. 5 and 6 stay between manager and person. thirty minutes alone, an hour together.
01 · shared with the team
Values
people decide based on what they're protecting. if you don't know what someone is protecting, their decisions look irrational to you, and yours look irrational to them.
circle what resonates, then rank your top five
autonomymasteryhonestyloyalty
fairnessstabilityambitioncreativity
precisioncollaborationrecognitionimpact
learningservicecourageharmony
challengetrustflexibilityresponsibility
curiositybelonginginfluencebalance
then answer
- think of the decisions you've made this year. which of your five values were they expressing, and how?
- where could you express these values even more, here and now?
- these are our team values: [X]. rank them in order of how much they resonate with you, and say why.
02 · shared with the team
Needs
most managers motivate everyone the way they'd want to be motivated. rank these six from most to least important to you right now.
securityknowing where I stand and what's coming.
varietynewness, change, not the same week twice.
masterygetting measurably better at something difficult.
recognitionbeing seen for what I actually did.
connectionfeeling part of the work, not just next to it.
contributionthe work mattering to someone beyond me.
then answer
- for your top two, in what way would you like these needs to be met here?
- which one has gone unmet longest, and what have you been doing about it without telling anyone?
03 · shared with the team
Energy
list the real work of your week, not your job description. sort it into two columns, then do the third. that's where most of the change is.
- what gives me energy, even when it's hard?
- what drains me, even when I'm good at it?
- how am I approaching the draining ones? some drain because of the task. some drain because of how I've decided they have to be done.
for the team, together
- is something on your draining list on someone else's energy list? that's a trade, and most teams never find it.
04 · shared with the team
The collaborator you want to be
most of your week is spent beside people, not above them.
- what do you want people to be able to count on from you, without having to ask?
- what do you do under pressure that you'd rather you didn't?
05 · manager only
Limiting beliefs
not therapy. just the things someone has decided about themselves at work that quietly cap what they'll attempt. read the examples first. most people can't name their own until they see one that fits.
- if I don't do it myself, it won't be right.
- I have to be certain before I say anything.
- if I say no, they'll think I can't handle it.
- I'm not the strategic one. I'm the one who delivers.
- asking for help means I couldn't handle it.
then answer
- which one do you recognise, and what has it cost you in the last six months?
- what limiting beliefs come up when it comes to your work, your potential and your contribution here?
- out of ten, how much of your actual thinking do you bring into our meetings? what's holding the rest back?
06 · manager only
The leader you want to become
start with the person, not the title. hardly anyone knows which role they want, but almost everyone can describe who they want to be. do this one last, because everything above feeds it.
- picture yourself three months from now, working at your best. not a job title. how do you handle a decision you're unsure about, or a day when it all goes wrong?
- what can't you do yet that this person can?
- what are two things you'll do this quarter to close that gap?
Running it
read sections one to four aloud to each other in groups of three. the value is in people hearing the answers, not in collecting them on a form.
five and six are a one-to-one, and only with someone who wants to have it.
if you'd rather take part than run it, I facilitate this as a half or full day.
collecting any of this changes nothing on its own.
what changes is the next hard conversation, when you're talking about a gap instead of talking about someone's character.